Your HEAD scouting party has returned from San Francisco. A
couple of BART rides, three bars, a little cable car climbing half-way to the
stars, a Scorpion Bowl, one taxi, and an Uber and we can declare, “Mission
Accomplished” We’ve got a plan for September 19.
We’ll meet at the cable cars stop at the bottom of
California Street (in-front of the Hayatt Regency) at 4:30pm. Bring your
Clipper Card or $7.00 for the ride up to Nob Hill.
Historic Note: Nob Hill is one of San Francisco’s 44 hills. Now
you know. And one of the original “Seven Hills”. Back in the (Gold Rush) day it
was called California Hill but after the Central Pacific Railroad’s Big Four
(Stanford, Huntington, Crocker and Hopkins) built their mansions there, the
name was changed. The Big Four were called the “Nobs” – not sure why.
Through the Financial District and Chinatown, we’ll climb up
to the Fairmont Hotel (between Powell & Mason). The Fairmont opened in
1907. It was completed in 1906 but that pesky fire caused extensive interior
damage. The hotel was named for silver magnate, railroad baron and U.S. Senator
James Fair by his daughters who built the place. It’s on the National Register
of Historic Places and back in 1945 the United Nations Charter was drafted in
the hotel’s Garden Room.
Also in 1945, the Fairmont closed its indoor swimming pool
and turned it into the Tonga Room. The pool became an indoor lagoon complete
with a floating stage and regularly scheduled rain storms. By virtue of loyal
customers, good food and delicious drinks, the Tonga Room has lasted long
enough to become the oldest Tiki Bar in America. It almost closed some years
back but San Francisco declared the bar an historic resource.
Anyway, our plan is to eat some Polynesian-type bar food.
They’ve got Won Tacos, Shrimp & Cilantro Rolls, Lomi Lomi, egg rolls and
the like. One of the HEAD Society's recommendations is to eat before you
drink too much.
A key for any successful HEAD Trip is the drink menu. This
place has 57 different rums on hand. They’ve also got the usual Tiki Bar
suspects – Piña Coladas, Hurricanes, Zombies and bowls. Bowls full of wonderful
rum concoctions including the Lava Bowl and the Scorpion Bowl. As part of our
scouting duties we had a Scorpion Bowl. Someone had to make the sacrifice.
After some eats, a few rum bowls and a rain shower or two, the HEAD Trip will leave the Tonga Room and head down near Civic Center to Gough Street.
It’s more than a 30 minute walk through the Tenderloin and Mid-Market
neighborhoods so our relocation calls for a taxi, Uber, Lyft or the like.
On the recon mission, the cab downhill cost $9.00*.
Stop #2 will be Smuggler’s Cove. This is a pirate inspired Tiki Bar. The theme seems very appropriate since we’ll be visiting on Talk Like
A Pirate Day. Arrr! The place opened in 2009 and in just a few short years has
amassed a long list of awards including one of “13 Most Influential Craft Cocktail
Bars” and “50 Greatest Cocktail Bars on Earth”. It’s been named the “Best
Cocktail Bar in San Francisco” and this year was a finalist for the “Best
Cocktail Bar in America”. They’ve got over 70 drinks on their menu and stock
more than 500 premium rums. They even have unique rums distilled and blended
exclusively for their drinks. Where the hell do they keep all that rum?
Smuggler’s Cove has a nautical-tiki theme, kind of a ship
wreck motif. It’s a tiny place spread over three levels – main deck, hold and
crow’s nest. The main deck has a bar and there’s another one down in the hold.
The drinks range from historic Tiki to Caribbean favorites and cocktails from pre-Prohibition
Havana. They say drinking there is like taking a tour of rum cocktails through
the ages. The place is popular and according to the bouncer manning the velvet
rope outside, that’s right, a velvet rope, the best time for a HEAD visit will
be around 6:30pm. The place opens at 5pm and the early arrivals thin out around
6:30pm to find food. We also have a recommendation from our daughter-in-law,
Carie. She’s a cocktail professional and knows her stuff.
From Smuggler’s Cove we’ll need another taxi, Uber or Lyft
(and another $9*) to cross over to Broadway in North Beach. Just down the
street from San Francisco’s famous or infamous, “gentleman’s clubs” we’ll find the
Bamboo Hut. Imagine if a dive bar and a tiki bar had a lovechild and you’ve got
our third and final Tiki Bar of this adventure.
The Bamboo Hut opened in 1999.
It was in the vanguard of the resurgence of Polynesian popular
From the Hut’s strategic location it just a short walk back
to the Montgomery BART Station or if you’re needing a bite to eat, you’re in
North Beach with wall-to-wall restaurants.
So to recap……..
Cable car to Nob Hill for food and rum bowls at the Tonga
Room.
Taxi, Uber of Lyft to Smuggler’s Cove. Award winning rum
cocktails. Arrr!
Taxi, Uber or Lyft to the Bamboo Hut. More rum and a giant
Tiki head.
Walk to Montgomery BART for a ride home or wander North
Beach looking for food.
Bring your Clipper Card for the cable car and RSVP!
We need to make a reservation at the Tonga Room or it’ll be
standing room only at the bar.
* That’s $9 per cab or Uber, not per person.
Color Commentator here: Ira and I had a great scouting trip,
and it was so cool… the cable car showed up just as we did and we got our
customary (me in the seat, Ira dangling off the side) spots. We gave directions
to some tourists from the Midwest and Norway and I came to believe that we
should really get paid for our service to the City of San Francisco. They could
at least cover our drink bill, I mean sheesh…
Anyway, we got to the Tonga Room, which serves a large
tourist population in addition to its large gay population. In other words –
excellent clientele! When we go on our HEAD Trip, we’re going to book a
reservation because the bar is complicated to navigate…even for pros like us! The
Hors doovers were really good and a lot less expensive than the dinners, so we
figured we’d sprinkle them liberally down the table. On our Scouting Mission,
we bellied up to the boogie board bar and shared a Scorpion Bowl (bowls are a
more economical way to drink than individual cocktails, but the Piña Colada
looked like slushie and I wanted one.)
After Ira disappointed all the young gay men with daddy
issues by leaving, (Sorry, Blake…), we headed to Smuggler’s Cove, a very cool boit that looks like a sunken ship. We
didn’t drink there (the Scorpion Bowl was still blooming in our bloodstreams),
but we strolled around looking official (next time I’m taking a clipboard…) and
nodding a lot. Considering the fact that we drank nothing, we got terrific
service! I can’t wait to taste the cocktails there, they come highly
recommended and they look wonderful…
Onward and, well, downward, to the Bamboo Hut, an almost
total dive bar, with a real tiki dude by the door. By this point, the Tonga
Room bowl had started to ease off a bit and I had a Piña Colada. Not a slushie,
but yum! Then we went to Tomasso’s for pizza, naturally, and conducted a
strategy session/ate really good pie.
The upshot of our Scouting Mission is YOU HAVE TO COME TO
THE TIKI TODDLE!!! Let us know how many of you there’ll be, because Ira will
have to make a reservation. (He’s the organization of the Grand Poobahs, I’m
the charm…) BTW, it rains in the
Tonga Room, there’s a velvet rope outside Smuggler’s Cove, and dirty dancers
just down the street from the Bamboo Hut. This trip has everything! We will see
you there!!!
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