Tiki Bar After-Action Report

A restful day off has allowed me to regroup and reflect on one of the most monumental, extraordinary and rum-infused adventures to date.

Twelve HEAD Society members from all across the East Bay converged on the cable car stop at the end of California Street. Our goal, no mission, was to explore the Bay Area’s Tiki Bar history. 

A few minutes after our arrival, we clambered aboard the cable car which took

 us up to the top of Nob Hill. For the most part, it was a free ride. Our very nice conductor only asked to see our Clipper Cards. Obviously he recognized us as members of an esteemed society and granted us one of the many perks that HEAD Society membership has to offer.

Soon we found ourselves waiting in line for the Tonga Room to open.

Two more members joined us in line and we took the opportunity to formally induct seven new members (Jen C. #77, Tamara #78, Ray #79, Dave #80, Lee #81, Eddie #82 & Joey #83). We also rectified an error from earlier trip by presenting longtime member Becky with her coveted membership card.

 At 5 o’clock sharp the doors swung open and we sauntered into the Tonga Room. Not only is this place the oldest Tiki Bar in America but that the decor is classic Tiki, Old School Tiki. In fact, the Fairmont Hotel hired a Hollywood set designer to decorate the place.

Our first order of business was to order food - 3 Royal “PuPu” Platters. Our mouths were watering and our stomachs were growling as we waited for the barbecue Kona pork ribs, shiitake eggrolls, spicy chicken wings and Dungeness crab Rangoon. We were ordering drinks as our 15^th member arrived, Vivian (#59). Rum bowls seemed to be the order of the day. There were Scorpion Bowls, Golden Punch Bowls (Golden Punch = rum) and Lava Bowls. A collection of Mai Tais, Singapore Slings and Red Strike beers rounded out our order.

The Scorpion Bowl traces its roots back to Honolulu in the 1930s. Imagine how good a mixture of spiced and dark rum, brandy, fresh orange & lime juices taste as you suck it through a 24 inch long straw. The Lava Bowl claims to be the Nectar of the Gods. I guess that’s possible when you combine dark rum and overproof rum with fresh lemon and pineapple juice. A Golden Punch Bowl blends white rum, yellow chartreuse with fresh lemon juice, honey, ginger & bitters. We were off to a good start.

“PuPu” Platters ravaged, rum bowls drained, it was time to head downhill and find Smuggler’s Cove. A few members decided to walk while the rest of us opted for cab rides. Smuggler’s Cove was packed but we worked our way up to the bar. The advance guard started with a round of Painkiller #3. It’s a traditional drink of the Caribbean with Pusser’s rum, pineapple, orange, coconut and nutmeg. Yum! There are multiple Painkillers available (#2, #3 & #4). We didn’t notice the little barrel symbol on the menu next to #3 & #4. Turns out the little barrel means “Very Strong”. Oh well, it was still yum!

It took a while for all of the group to wander in. A few got stuck outside behind the velvet rope for a while. Obviously the bouncer didn’t recognize them as HEAD Society members. We fanned out across the place - some of us found a spot at the main bar, others decended down into the “hold”. There’s a bar down there too. Everyone scoured the 70+ drink menu and cocktail orders were flying – The Black Prince, Hibiscus Punch, Port Au Prince, Navy Grog, El Presidente, Cuba Libre, Puka Punch and the Suffering Bastard were just a few. Honestly, I tasted so many drinks that I lost track.

We took over the “crow’s nest” and enjoyed conversation, rum history and our cocktails. I tell you, the bartenders here work like dogs churning out drink after drink. The skill on display is amazing. These cocktails are alcoholic works of art. It’s mixology taken to the highest level.

While the Tonga Room had history and longevity, Smuggler’s Cove won the HEAD Society’s newly-created “best cocktail” award. We could have stayed there longer, even with the heat. It was hot in there. I’m guessing all the bodies packed inside had something to do with it.

We started the night with 15. Smuggler’s Cove had 14 of us. By the time we reached the Bamboo Hut we were down to a hearty group of 12. Arriving on Broadway, half our group, led by Jenn (#11), went across the street for slices of pizza. The rest of us took over a booth in San Francisco’s best Tiki (Dive) Bar. Joan (#5) found some plates of beans, rice and jerk chicken at the restaurant next store. Hunger satisfied we were free to resume our rum exploration.

I started by sharing a Strawberry Bowl. Imagine a giant bowl filled with a fruit slushie spiked with three kinds of rum. The bartender even filled the little “volcano” in the middle of the bowl with 151 rum before lighting it on fire. 

Televisions at both ends of the bar showed Cal beating Texas Tech. That’s for you Dave (#80). The drinks here were not nearly as artfully crafted but the Bamboo Hut wins the award for friendliest patrons. It was so easy to strike up a conversation. Jim (#71) was especially good at mingling.

Tired, happy and rum soaked, we stumbled our way down Columbus to Montgomery to BART and

home. Another successful HEAD Trip in the books.

Random observation: not everyone on BART enjoyed the singing of songs from “My Fair Lady”. I guess it takes all kinds.

Color Commentary…

Tiki Hangover………………..Day 2……….I think I will survive..............................…

I learned some things about myself and alcohol, most specifically rum, on this outing.

1) Rum is evil. It gets mixed with delicious, delicious juices so you can’t taste it and it seems        refreshing.

2)  It is not refreshing.

3) Drinks should only be served in teeny, tiny glasses, NEVER bowls with two foot long straws.

4) Two foot long straws are bad because they can reach all the other bowls in addition to your own  bowl.

  I have the best friends in the world. I have thanked and apologized too many of them and all of the rest of them should accept this as my thanks and apology for getting me onto BART on Saturday.

Next HEAD trip – donuts, coffee, nothing containing alcohol!!!

Tiki Bar History

Tiki Bars are a California creation. Yes, I know, the first one was in Los Angeles but San Francisco and Oakland became the epicenter of the tiki movement.  It all started with Ernest Raymond Beaumont Gantt. He was born in 1907 in Texas. This trust fund baby was the son of an oil tycoon. When Ernest graduated from high school his father gave him the choice of going to college or taking a trip around the world. He chose the world. His favorite places seem to be have been those with an abundance of rum.

As Ernest traveled, he tasted such exotic drinks as the Singapore Sling and rum served in a coconut. Fancying himself an amateur bartender, the collected drink recipes as he traveled.

While visiting the Caribbean, where rum was cheap and plentiful, Ernest honed his bartending skills. He returned to America landing in Hollywood. It was during Prohibition and he needed a job. So this world traveling Texan became a bootlegger and he even ran a speakeasy.

In the 1920s, most Americans considered rum a drink for sailors and the poor. Rum drinkers were referred as “rummies”. During Prohibition it was difficult to get “cultured people” to drink rum.

Following repeal of Prohibition, Ernest went legit and put his Caribbean mixology skills to work. In 1934, he changed his name to Don the Beachcomber and began pouring his own version of the Jamaican classic, Planter’s Punch. One of Don’s customers was Cornelius Vanderbilt who loved Don’s punch and told all of his fashionable friendsabout it. Don’s place became Hollywood’s hottest night club.

To add to the exotic feel of his bar, Don decorated the place in South Pacific-style and Tiki was born. (Ironic note: Don was pouring Caribbean drinks surrounded by South Pacific décor.) Besides popularizing Planter’s Punch, Don also gave us many of the classic tiki cocktails including the Zombie.

That same year up in Oakland, Victor Bergeron opened a small bar-b-que restaurant, the Hinky Dinks” across the street from his parents’ grocery store. Victor was bitten by the Tiki bug after a visit to Don the Beachcomber in Hollywood and in 1937, he went tiki. Victor changed his restaurant’s name to Trader Vic’s (complete with full tiki décor). In 1938, Vic took a trip to Havana and visited La Floridita – birthplace of the Daiquiri. Returning home he began experimenting with the basic Daiquiri recipe.

In 1944, some friends visited his restaurant and requested a special Tahitian drink. Vic went to work. A little of this, a little of that, a little curacao and a little orgeat. When his friends tasted the concoction it was proclaimed “Mai Tai roa ae” which is Tahatian for “out of this world, the best”. Mai Tai was born. (Second ironic note: the Mai Tai, unofficial state cocktail of Hawaii, was created near the corner of San Pablo Avenue and 65th Street in Oakland.)

Mai Tai Recipe ·         2 oz dark rum ·         1 oz light rum ·         ½ oz Orange Curaçao ·          ½ oz Orgeat syrup ·         ¼ oz Lime juice Pineapple wedge and Maraschino cherries for garnish

After World War II, thousands of soldiers, sailors and marines returned from the South Pacific with a

taste for Polynesian culture (and rum). The golden era of the Tiki Bar began. From the late 1940s through the early 1960s, America was Tiki crazy. Tiki-themed restaurants, Tiki Bars, even backyard Tiki parties were all the rage. In the mid-1960s, Tiki restaurants and bars began to fall out of style as the Vietnam War dampened America’s fascination with the South Pacific. By then Don the Beachcomber had retired to a house boat in Hawaii.

The 1980s saw many of America’s Tiki palaces close. Today the site of the original Don the Beachcomber restaurant is a parking lot. In the 1990s, Tiki made a comeback and drinks with tiny umbrellas are back in fashion.

IT'S ALL ABOUT RUM

Before we can talk about Tiki Bar history, let’s take a closer look at the essence of Tiki Bar cocktails, rum. Fog cutters, zombies, daiquiris and mojitos all start with this New World alcohol.

Sugarcane came to the New World with Columbus on his second voyage in 1493. By the mid-1600s, sugar production and sugarcane were the most profitable industry in the Caribbean (not counting piracy or the slave trade). Sugarcane was crushed and the juice boiled into a sweet liquid. Next it was placed in clay pots which allowed molasses to seep through and collect on the outside as the sugar crystallized on the inside. Sugar was the commodity that everyone wanted. No one seem to have much use for the molasses. It was fed to slaves and livestock and that was about it until some of those slaves realized they could ferment the sticky liquid. It was called “rumbullion” which is probably where we get its name today.

It didn’t take long before someone figured out that this fermented sugarcane juice could be distilled creating a high alcohol (75%-80%), easily transported and valuable commodity. Barbados became the center of this new industry. The first recorded description of rum came from an official report from Barbados dated 1651. It described the new beverage as, “a hot, hellish and terrible liquor”. Locals began to call it “kill-devil”. Historians are not sure if the name implied that the liquor was strong enough to kill the devil or it was the devil and it killed the drinker. There appears to be evidence to support both explanations.

The second half of the 17^th century saw an outbreak of rum consumption all across the New World. Dutch, Spanish, French and English colonies all began producing their own rum. In 1655, 900,000 gallons of rum was produced in Barbados alone.

By the early 1700s, American colonists seem to be losing their taste or homebrewed beer and hard cider and it was replaced by rum. One observer even referred to the colonies as the “Republic of Rum” because the liquor seemed to be everywhere. It was cheap and became part of everyday life. Rum was drunk at breakfast to “shake off morning chills and launch the day in proper form”. Lunch often featured rum, salt fish and crackers. From farmers to shipbuilders, rum was seen as a way to make a long day shorter. Doctors prescribed it to “restore life”. The average American was drinking five shots of rum a day. Whether you were in New England or the southern colonies rum was considered the ideal beverage. In the cold north, it was a way to warm one’s insides. In the hot and humid south, it was said that rum “aided in perspiration and cooling”. They drank rum after dinner to aid digestion and had another shot to finish off the day.

Perhaps the first rum cocktail was the Flip. Imagine walking in your favorite tavern and seeing a tankard filled three quarters of the way with beer, sweetened with a little molasses or dried pumpkin before a generous portion (5 ounces) of rum was added. Next a loggerhead, an iron rod slightly bulged at one end, was heated till red hot in a fire and plunged into your drink. It was held there until the foaming and sputtering ceased.

In 1725, the first campaign against drinking rum was lunched. The goal was to convince people to switch back to drinking beer and hard cider. Needless to say the effort failed.

Rum did play a role in one of the darkest chapters of American history. It was a key element in the Triangle Trade where molasses from the Caribbean was shipped to America, turned into rum and sent to Africa to purchase slaves who were brought in bondage to America.

In the early 1800s it was quite common for American politicians to bring a barrel of rum to campaign rallies. It was a way to show generosity and the ability to drink with the common man.

As the 1800s rolled on whiskey became more popular than rum in America. Rum did bounce back as soldiers fighting in Cuba during the Spanish-America War discovered the Cuba Libre (rum and coke). It was a favorite of Teddy Roosevelt and the Rough Riders.

While most rum is aged in charred oak barrels giving it a dark, amber or golden color, the Cubans began producing a silver or white rum. It was perfect for cocktails and before long bartenders in Havana were creating new rum drinks including the Mojito.

Today rum is the world’s second most popular distilled spirit after vodka and ahead of whiskey, gin and tequila. Around the globe we drank 388 million gallons of rum last year.

Remember to RSVP for next Saturday's (9/19) HEAD Trip. We need to make a reservation at the Tonga Room soon!

Tiki Bar HEAD Trip – Ops Plan

Your HEAD scouting party has returned from San Francisco. A couple of BART rides, three bars, a little cable car climbing half-way to the stars, a Scorpion Bowl, one taxi, and an Uber and we can declare, “Mission Accomplished” We’ve got a plan for September 19.

We’ll meet at the cable cars stop at the bottom of California Street (in-front of the Hayatt Regency) at 4:30pm. Bring your Clipper Card or $7.00 for the ride up to Nob Hill.

Historic Note: Nob Hill is one of San Francisco’s 44 hills. Now you know. And one of the original “Seven Hills”. Back in the (Gold Rush) day it was called California Hill but after the Central Pacific Railroad’s Big Four (Stanford, Huntington, Crocker and Hopkins) built their mansions there, the name was changed. The Big Four were called the “Nobs” – not sure why.

Through the Financial District and Chinatown, we’ll climb up to the Fairmont Hotel (between Powell & Mason). The Fairmont opened in 1907. It was completed in 1906 but that pesky fire caused extensive interior damage. The hotel was named for silver magnate, railroad baron and U.S. Senator James Fair by his daughters who built the place. It’s on the National Register of Historic Places and back in 1945 the United Nations Charter was drafted in the hotel’s Garden Room.

Also in 1945, the Fairmont closed its indoor swimming pool and turned it into the Tonga Room. The pool became an indoor lagoon complete with a floating stage and regularly scheduled rain storms. By virtue of loyal customers, good food and delicious drinks, the Tonga Room has lasted long enough to become the oldest Tiki Bar in America. It almost closed some years back but San Francisco declared the bar an historic resource.

Anyway, our plan is to eat some Polynesian-type bar food. They’ve got Won Tacos, Shrimp & Cilantro Rolls, Lomi Lomi, egg rolls and the like. One of the HEAD Society's recommendations is to eat before you drink too much.

A key for any successful HEAD Trip is the drink menu. This place has 57 different rums on hand. They’ve also got the usual Tiki Bar suspects – Piña Coladas, Hurricanes, Zombies and bowls. Bowls full of wonderful rum concoctions including the Lava Bowl and the Scorpion Bowl. As part of our scouting duties we had a Scorpion Bowl. Someone had to make the sacrifice.

After some eats, a few rum bowls and a rain shower or two, the HEAD Trip will leave the Tonga Room and head down near Civic Center to Gough Street. It’s more than a 30 minute walk through the Tenderloin and Mid-Market neighborhoods so our relocation calls for a taxi, Uber, Lyft or the like. On the recon mission, the cab downhill cost $9.00*.

Stop #2 will be Smuggler’s Cove. This is a pirate inspired Tiki Bar. The theme seems very appropriate since we’ll be visiting on Talk Like A Pirate Day. Arrr! The place opened in 2009 and in just a few short years has amassed a long list of awards including one of “13 Most Influential Craft Cocktail Bars” and “50 Greatest Cocktail Bars on Earth”. It’s been named the “Best Cocktail Bar in San Francisco” and this year was a finalist for the “Best Cocktail Bar in America”. They’ve got over 70 drinks on their menu and stock more than 500 premium rums. They even have unique rums distilled and blended exclusively for their drinks. Where the hell do they keep all that rum?

Smuggler’s Cove has a nautical-tiki theme, kind of a ship wreck motif. It’s a tiny place spread over three levels – main deck, hold and crow’s nest. The main deck has a bar and there’s another one down in the hold. The drinks range from historic Tiki to Caribbean favorites and cocktails from pre-Prohibition Havana. They say drinking there is like taking a tour of rum cocktails through the ages. The place is popular and according to the bouncer manning the velvet rope outside, that’s right, a velvet rope, the best time for a HEAD visit will be around 6:30pm. The place opens at 5pm and the early arrivals thin out around 6:30pm to find food. We also have a recommendation from our daughter-in-law, Carie. She’s a cocktail professional and knows her stuff.

From Smuggler’s Cove we’ll need another taxi, Uber or Lyft (and another $9*) to cross over to Broadway in North Beach. Just down the street from San Francisco’s famous or infamous, “gentleman’s clubs” we’ll find the Bamboo Hut. Imagine if a dive bar and a tiki bar had a lovechild and you’ve got our third and final Tiki Bar of this adventure. 

The Bamboo Hut opened in 1999. It was in the vanguard of the resurgence of Polynesian popular

culture. If the Tonga Room or Smuggler’s Cove are high side, the Hut is at the other end of the Tiki Bar spectrum.  In true dive bar style the place is open from 7am to 2am. On the wall inside the front door hangs a giant 1947-vintage Tiki God rescued from the former Coral Reef Restaurant in Sacramento. The drinks are reasonable and the place is fun. It’s been voted the “Best Tiki Bar in San Francisco” and “one of the “Top 25 places to have a party in San Francisco”. How can we go wrong?

From the Hut’s strategic location it just a short walk back to the Montgomery BART Station or if you’re needing a bite to eat, you’re in North Beach with wall-to-wall restaurants.

So to recap……..

4:30pm on Saturday, September 19 – meet at the end of the California Street cable car line (in front of the Hayatt Regency and near the Embarcadero BART Station).

Cable car to Nob Hill for food and rum bowls at the Tonga Room.

Taxi, Uber of Lyft to Smuggler’s Cove. Award winning rum cocktails. Arrr!

Taxi, Uber or Lyft to the Bamboo Hut. More rum and a giant Tiki head.

Walk to Montgomery BART for a ride home or wander North Beach looking for food.

Bring your Clipper Card for the cable car and RSVP!

We need to make a reservation at the Tonga Room or it’ll be standing room only at the bar.

* That’s $9 per cab or Uber, not per person.

Color Commentator here: Ira and I had a great scouting trip, and it was so cool… the cable car showed up just as we did and we got our customary (me in the seat, Ira dangling off the side) spots. We gave directions to some tourists from the Midwest and Norway and I came to believe that we should really get paid for our service to the City of San Francisco. They could at least cover our drink bill, I mean sheesh…

Anyway, we got to the Tonga Room, which serves a large tourist population in addition to its large gay population. In other words – excellent clientele! When we go on our HEAD Trip, we’re going to book a reservation because the bar is complicated to navigate…even for pros like us! The Hors doovers were really good and a lot less expensive than the dinners, so we figured we’d sprinkle them liberally down the table. On our Scouting Mission, we bellied up to the boogie board bar and shared a Scorpion Bowl (bowls are a more economical way to drink than individual cocktails, but the Piña Colada looked like slushie and I wanted one.)

After Ira disappointed all the young gay men with daddy issues by leaving, (Sorry, Blake…), we headed to Smuggler’s Cove, a very cool boit that looks like a sunken ship. We didn’t drink there (the Scorpion Bowl was still blooming in our bloodstreams), but we strolled around looking official (next time I’m taking a clipboard…) and nodding a lot. Considering the fact that we drank nothing, we got terrific service! I can’t wait to taste the cocktails there, they come highly recommended and they look wonderful…

Onward and, well, downward, to the Bamboo Hut, an almost total dive bar, with a real tiki dude by the door. By this point, the Tonga Room bowl had started to ease off a bit and I had a Piña Colada. Not a slushie, but yum! Then we went to Tomasso’s for pizza, naturally, and conducted a strategy session/ate really good pie.

The upshot of our Scouting Mission is YOU HAVE TO COME TO THE TIKI TODDLE!!! Let us know how many of you there’ll be, because Ira will have to make a reservation. (He’s the organization of the Grand Poobahs, I’m the charm…) BTW, it rains in the Tonga Room, there’s a velvet rope outside Smuggler’s Cove, and dirty dancers just down the street from the Bamboo Hut. This trip has everything! We will see you there!!!